just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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