chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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