Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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