I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
