At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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