def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
