if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's Friday. Sex?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
