We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
