I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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