Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
