He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You have to summon your inner elephant
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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