i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
