While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
