I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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