Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
