and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
