I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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