I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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