her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
