all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
