And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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