the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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