He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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