I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
