Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
