i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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