She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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