You made me cry and you don't even care
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was like eating out sand paper
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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