I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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