Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
