I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
