He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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