He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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