I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
