He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
