I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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