38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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