a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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