it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
