Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at about main and main street
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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