just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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