she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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