listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
