9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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