All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
