I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
