i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
