whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
