wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
