Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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