Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
