So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
