i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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