You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
