oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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