one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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